Being Together

I've had the great opportunity to spend a week with two of my sisters and my Father and Mother punctuated by a good bit of time with one of my nephews who is at the cusp of starting a new life. I may blog a bit later about those luminous moments when we are choosing the road ahead. I've got more to say about that subject.

But for this moment, I want to focus on the fact that for me, even when I've spent much hectic and strained time with those who love me most, I always crave more time. I crave more real time when I'm rested and at my best with my children, with my wife, with my parents, and with my siblings.

Last night I was in a praise and worship service between my older sister and one of my younger sisters. There was a moment as we were singing that I thought, this is what Christian community and family should be. These people love me and stand around me in support. They wish me the best. They have my best interests deep in their hearts. They hear me. I hope that I am replicating that in my family, but I'd also love to share this sort of love in some sort of intentional community. It is the best of what family and church ought to be. How do you replicate that?

Staring Into the Abyss

Last night we had the opportunity to walk into what could easily be described as one of the recruitment stations for Hell. We had a community event that was being hosted at a conference venue that is attached to a casino. Casinos, working as they are to maximize exposure to the machines so that one will be enticed to spend his or her money, make it so that you have to walk through the machines even if you aren't "there to gamble." And so, dressed for a formal dinner, we walked through the casino.

Now I want to say this carefully, because I don't want to fall into some overarching judgment of the people in the casino -- but my feeling was one of sadness and entrapment. Here were these immortal souls -- caught in their mostly aging and failing bodies -- sitting by each other in a communion of longing -- some even tied to the machines by an actual tether that connected their "rewards" card to their belts -- like some sort of human machine interface -- vaguely borg-like drawing them in further into the wanness and wanting. It was very similar to a multitude of science fiction tropes where the protagonist walks into a laboratory or alien lair and sees the people who have been taken captive/half eaten/become inthralled by the alien/government/evil scientist/vampire clan. I was full of pity and revulsion. Pity for these poor lost people who found a place like this to be somehow compelling in its tawdriness and revulsion for a species for whom this is the apex of existence.

But it is easy to judge the other when I'm not the one caught in this particular web. It makes me wonder, exactly what is it that I'm caught in? What levers am I constantly pulling? What rewards do I seek? What emptiness do I stare into?

Bear With Me: Grace in Community

At a congregational meeting recently two of my fellow congregants casually threw out a phrase to which, I'm sure, they aren't strongly attached theologically, but which, at least in part, stands as a strong foundation of their ethics of fellowship. In both cases it was a part of a statement that went something like this, "but if they don't believe that X, then they aren't the kind of person I want to hang out with."

If we believe that the church universal is a spiritual construct of a resurrected and sovereign Jesus Christ, and if we believe that it stands as a place for redemptive and encouraging community and service, and if we believe that membership is open to all who are open to the invitation of his good news, then, let me submit that Church has nothing to do with which sort of people we wish to spend our time.

In fact it may be that in doing some of the things the church is asked to do: Bearing each other's burdens, Instructing, Correcting, Deepening Faith, Encouraging, etc. that we may have to "bear with" each other in the other sense of that phrase, because the gravest sinners do not come to God cured just as the sickest people do not come to the hospital cured. The Body of Christ on this unperfected planet will always be a messy, uncomfortable, ball of tangled and torn humanity, perhaps soothed and aided by God's good Grace and Providence, but not yet fully perfected.

If we want to be with people we want to "hang out with" I'd submit that the church is the last place to look. If we want to hang out with people who God has placed into our path to be a part of our continuing work of salvation (both for them and for us) then we could do worse than to dive into the uncomfortable and difficult reality that many of the people with whom we attempt to fellowship will only become our truest brothers and sisters because of the fact that in our natural state we wouldn't be willing to invest in the suffering that our encounter with them will afford us. So, in my opinion, the true Church is not a social club -- it is more like a 12 step program -- You come as you are, and so do I. Awkward pause. Ewwww. OK, let's do this. Kyrie Eleison!

On the Edge

I'm currently on the edge of our continental landmass on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. These barrier islands are in geological terms extremely short lived and fragile momentary entities. The human accretions of roads, civilizations, and history must be continually cared for and renewed or they will disappear under the surf or the sand. In other words, as ephemeral as these islands are, we are even more.

Against a backing of rock, weather, air, water and eternity --
Small moments.
Little voices singing
or howling
in the wind.

What we do is of little import,
but is the most important thing of all.
We stand, we dream, we plan, we curse, we doubt, we believe, and We hope.

The whispers of yesterday at our back.
The sands of today at our feet.
And the possibilities of the future, just peeking over the horizon.

On Getting Organized

Anyone who knows me well knows that I fight a continuing battle with the agents of chaos that spring from the implements of life around me. There is, I suppose, a part of me that longs to be one of those Mac-using Feng Shui masters who can live in simple elegance, but, unfortunately, I can't even manage to keep my desk(s) neat. I've looked at several different solutions to the problem:

I could take the POV of some organizational gurus who tell us now that if we cannot deal with something in 15 minutes that we should discard it or let it go -- pass it on to the next person -- dismiss it -- destroy it -- end it. The people who say this kind of thing apparently don't worry about the possibilities that a) Not everything can be dealt with in 15 minutes; b) That human life is about serendipity and that things that are useless now may become invaluable in the future; and c) a system like that assumes a sort of life where you aren't continually compiling and digesting new ideas, reconsidering old ideas, and thinking through the implications, discord and harmony of that which is new and present and old and that which is messy and neat and ordinary and beautiful. I had a friend who went from being a humanities scholar to being a lawyer and he told me, "One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was to throw out all of my books. If I hadn't done that one thing, I would have never achieved happiness." Perhaps that is what I need to do, but I am loathe to do it. Instead, I'll look for other directions.

I could also hire someone to organize my life for me. I will do that if I ever get rich enough to do it. So, barring some amazing change in life circumstances, the Pepper Potts and/or Mary Poppins plan is on hold for now. (Now, how many times do you get an Iron Man and a Disney allusion in one sentence?)

My solution right now -- and it seems to be helping -- I'm blogging again aren't I? Is to use an online organizational tool called Backpackit and Google Calendar to eliminate at least two of my physical organizational manifestations: the persistent day planner/calendar and my thousands of to do lists. I'll keep you posted as to how it works, but as of day 7, it seems pretty miraculous. Now to clean up the rest of the office!

For the four or five people who have read my blog over the last few years, I have good news.

I'm back. A friend of my restarted his blog and it has encouraged me to do so, too. One of his reasons for doing so was the fact that in our speaking we enter a public forum and help to define ourselves in the process of exploration. It reminded me that I first began this blog as a way to survey the reality that I experience and to share with those who care how that reality resonates through the filters of my mind, life, body, and spirit.

So I begin again. Expect the first substantive post on the morrow.

We are full of hope.

May we all grow more giving and more full of care.